Abstract Emotions

I’m the sort of person who is very much in her head. The past year has been about learning how to not do so much of that. Reconnecting to the body and recognising how emotions manifest as physical sensations.

Negative emotion has always been something I avoided. Shouting was scary to me and I lacked experience of people sharing vulnerabilities, and going through conflict and repair. In our society young girls and women are often criticised for showing anger. So I spent half my life in a relationship where I feared anger and criticism, and repressed my own, even when it was appropriate and needed. In becoming small, I betrayed myself, and that grew into resentment. And, in numbing the bad, I also numbed the good.

All emotions had become abstract to me

For this series of work I wanted to throw my whole body into it. I hung unstretched canvases side by side on the wall and felt my way around. I threw paint at the wall and I spread out on the floor. I called the emotions of the past year back to my mind and body. I painted in pairs to explore the contradictions in myself and in my relationship. When they dried, I stretched them myself

Self-reflection (2022) and Self-delusion (2022)

Self-reflection is the greens and blues in my own eyes. It’s the act of truly seeing your behaviours and beliefs in the mirror and objectively coming to grips with the good and the mistakes.

Self-delusion is the rose-coloured glasses. All the things we want to believe about ourselves but they’re not really true, and if someone were to scratch the surface you’d see it, too.

Self-betrayal (2023) and Self-love (2023)

Self-betrayal is the hiding in the shadows, the heat of frustration and repressed anger, and a love that’s frozen over from self-neglect. I’ve betrayed myself many times over.

Self-love is what lies underneath all that pain. It’s what’s there when you scrape away the layers of dirt and dust to find the sparkling masterpiece within. It’s the real you; it’s blossoming hope; a new day; Spring again.

Avoidant (2023) and Limerent (2023)

The distance between an Avoidant and a Limerent is a gulf. One wants space and autonomy, the other wants to be enmeshed, consumed by longing for what seems dazzling. In their fight for survival, each destroys the other.

All 6 artworks are acrylics on stretched canvas, 50cm x 80cm, and currently unframed.

To express interest, please contact via email.

Documenting self-discovery

This has been a long-needed time of renewal. Of reconnecting. Of self-discovery. This unplanned and unintended series of self-portraits (each a different size) takes you from my lowest place to a better space.

Disconnect (2021). 91cm x 76.5cm. Acrylics and oils on canvas.

Disconnect began in August 2021 and remained, unfinished, on the easel in my Melbourne studio through successive lockdowns. This self-portrait began with a colourful palette and finished up with blue layers reflecting a darker mood as time wore on and social connections broke down.

When I was finally able to return to my studio, I'd lost a close friendship. Through the end of 2021, I felt like I was drowning in the sudden loss of social support. I was unsure of who I was, struggling in the depths of hard emotions, and I couldn’t see a way through. All I could do was go further inward.

The acrylic underpainting has been overlaid with oil glazes in blue and green, and the self-portrait has been drawn with oil sticks, trailing off with a disconnected thread.

Out from Under (2022). 12” x 16”. Acrylics and oils on canvas.

That was the beginning of my lowest point. Once I moved through that loss, I recognised that I’d lost myself completely. Out from Under captures the start of an awakening. Difficult truths were coming to the fore. I could no longer avoid my own emotions, and I couldn’t avoid others' either, like I’d learned to do. Negative cycles; unproductive patterns; the undesirable results. I had to get out. Get it out. Get the thoughts out. I had to find my self out. This was the beginning of months of challenging emotional work.

Inner Child Rising (2022). 102cm x 76cm. Acrylics and oils on canvas.

The truth was that I’d abandoned myself long ago. I was always afraid to stand up for what I needed, afraid of conflict, and afraid of making my voice heard. I was shut down. Inner Child Rising is the little girl taking on a more solid form. The silhouette of reds and oranges is the heat of anger. She’s angry about carrying the responsibility for the emotions of others when her own had been avoided for so long. She doesn’t want that baggage anymore.

Self-portrait (2022). 12” x 12”. Graphite and acrylics on canvas.

Self-portrait, from June 2022, presents a more confident demeanour, but still with more layers to peel back. There is a feeling of increased calm from being by the coast and out in nature. Hope in the yellow sunshine.

Isolation State

The opening night of Isolation State was also, fittingly, the start of yet another lockdown in Victoria. It’s bizarre that I painted these in 2020 and a year later, there we still were.

Isolation State on display for Incube8r Gallery’s ‘Almost Solo’ show, Fitzroy. August 5, 2021.

Stemming from Melbourne’s second-wave Coronavirus lockdown, Isolation State represents the mood of Melburnians as we went about our daily hour of allowed exercise.

Headphones have long provided the wearer with a blissful sense of self-imposed isolation on the daily commute and even in the office. Through the long series of lockdowns, though, our headphones have enabled us to escape from the noisy chatter of our own minds. I’ve lost count of how many solo walks I’ve taken with podcasts playing or music blaring in an attempt to provide distraction.

Through 2020’s lockdowns, I committed to making art one day each weekend. I would bring my supplies downstairs to the dining table and then put it all back by the time we needed the table back for dinner. Some days there would be a remote life drawing session available, some days there would be other kinds of art workshops, and some days I would work on this series of artworks.

Winter Sun (2020) 10” x 8”. Mixed media on canvas.

Winter Sun (2020) 10” x 8”. Mixed media on canvas.

Waiting for a Friend (2020) 11” x 14”. Mixed media on canvas. Private Collection.

Fitzroy Freedom (2020) 11” x 14”. Mixed media on canvas. Private Collection.

Green Space (2020) 10” x 8”. Mixed media on canvas.